Christmas 2009

Stolen from a friend

The conclusion of the matter

Five Truths:
1. God is who He says He is.
2. God can do what He says He can do.
3. I am who God says I am.
4. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.
5. God's Word is alive and active.

A friend of mine has had these posted on her blog for awhile and I often feel the need to just go by and read them again. They're from a Beth Moore Bible Study.
Each time I need a little pick me up, I read these and really really try to believe them. It always makes me feel better knowing that My God is on my side and that He will give me all the things I need to get through each day!

Happy Gotcha Day!

Today is one year since we gotcha forever! I can't believe it's been a year since we were sitting in Korea watching this sweet baby just laugh and laugh! Well I was going to post a video, but Brent got a new computer for Christmas this weekend and it has no files on it! SO, just look back to our old post from this date last year and hopefully I'll get up a video later!

Finally! One year ago...

Reminicing

I think I'm on emotional overload this week. Everything I do, from the clothes I wear, to the food I'm eating or baking is making me think about where I was at this time last year. I can't believe it's been a year since we got on the plane and flew across the world, to meet our son. The year has been amazing. Not just about things with Paxton but with Naia and Xavier as well. Lord, how I love my family. Thank you so much for each of them. Bless them today.

The Day That Never Was...

One year ago today we were on a plane to Korea! How exciting a year it's been! I looked to see if I could find the post from last year, BUT I couldn't find one. Then I realized....it was the day that never was.....We spent the entire day on a plane, but somehow missed the day because of the time change....SO there was nothing to report! Happy Birthday though to sweet Matthew! And today is beautiful, unlike the weather as we were leaving Russellville last year!

NYC

Oh what fun was had! Here are a few pictures of things we did while there!







Oh what fun was had! Here are a few pictures of things we did while there!

Giveaway...

go over to www.Kellyskorner.blogspot.com and enter this awesome giveaway for a new HP computer!

Wordless Wednesday

It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas....

In NYC!!!!! We're headed to "the city" for a few days early early in the morning! I can't wait. We're going with some of my family and it's going to be a blast! We'll be gone for a few days, but I'll post lots of pics when we get back!

I'm Back...At least for a couple of days!

We have been so busy lately! We left for Mena Tuesday morning after a crazy busy weekend! We had Thanksgiving dinner with Brent's family on Saturday. Tons of people: tons of fun! It was nice to see everyone and it's the first time to have everyone together in several years! I don't have any pictures, but there were about 25 of us together!

This week we headed to Mena to celebrate with my family. Brent had to stay behind b/c of work, but the rest of us loaded up and headed out! I baked all day Tuesday and all day Wednesday. Then on Thursday, Paxton woke up with a stomach bug and I didn't have to do anything! Except hold a sickly baby. He was pretty much over it by the time "lunch" came around, but even tonight he's having yucky diapers so he's still not 100% over it yet. My mom and I went shopping for Black Friday, but honestly we were pretty put out by the whole thing. The deals weren't that great, the people weren't that great, and there were just WAY too many of those not so great people. We'll probably fore go the Black Friday Shopping from now on.

Now we're home. It's been a long and crazy week. Just so that I remember certain things I'm especially thankful for this year:
My salvation. I've learned a lot over the past year about just how grateful I am that I have a savior that loves me and is always there for me.
I'm so thankful this year that all my babies were home with me. Last year was tough b/c Paxton was halfway across the world from us. His first Thanksgiving was spent in his mismatched pj's b/c of the clothes changes from being sick. He looked pitiful all day, but I'm so thankful that he was there with me.
I'm so thankful for my patient husband. I know that he likes to gripe about how many pairs of shoes I own, but deep down he knows that I "need" them! He's patiend with me and the kids and I love him for it.

I hope everyone had a great Thanksgiving.

Another Give Away

go to Kelly's Korner and check out this giveaway!!

The Truth Be Told Tuesday

I've been wanting to steal this for awhile, so today I am!

The truth be told.....we probably watch way too much tv and have way too much computer time at our house! Paxton already knows that the remote can do magical things and can find Elmo no matter what part of Sesame Street is on. He knows I can completely change the channel to something else if he doesn't want to watch Dinosaur Train on PBS! Xavier could work the remote from a young 3 years old and could get up in the mornings without waking us up (remind you that at the time it was still just him) and get the tv to channel 2 to watch cartoons with no assistance! Naia is just now learning this task! She really doesn't watch too much tv. She's much more interested in coloring!

And it isn't just the kids. I know that I'm way worse than Brent! I'm the only one that actually gets out a schedule and goes through all the new shows coming on every year and see which ones I can watch if they don't interfere with anything that I already watch! I plan then set my DVR...how did I ever live without a DVR?!
And I'm on the computer a lot during the day. Although I have gotten better about this lately. Brent however, does love the computer. It's what he does while I watch all those DVR'd shows!

So that's the truth!

Cool Giveaway

There's a kid's craft giveaway over at www.goodhappenings.com

Check them out!

Busy Bees

Do you ever worry about pleasing people other than yourself? Even change your mind to make others "happy" instead of doing something to make yourself happy? I know to an extent we should do this, put others ahead of ourselves, but not necessarily all of the time. I've not always been a people pleaser. I used to just do what I wanted, and didn't really care about what others thought. What a difference "growing up" makes in this area of my life. For my ministry in our church, I often sacrifice things that I would rather do, in order to please the most people. In my preschool department I make certain allowances to keep the peace not only with kids, but with parents as well! In the women's ministry, I find myself doing this more often, and I honestly don't mind it. I don't mind pleasing people. I love to serve. I've been told several times by a friend of mine that she's sometimes overwhelmed by the amount of time that I spend serving my God through our church. BUT I know this is my spiritual gift. I love nothing more than helping out a friend or those less fortunate than me. In a nutshell, I feel I was put here to serve others. On this blog however, I write for me. I write things that I feel, that I think, that I like, that I dislike. If you don't like it, please don't feel like you have to keep reading. Find another blog that fits you better to keep reading. To those of you that know me in real life and that just lurk or stalk and never comment and just talk about things that I write here to others, keep it to yourself. No one is asking you to read this or to blog stalk me.


That being said....I want you to know something "personal" about me! On Mondays, I clean. Before Paxton came, I cleaned my entire house from top to bottom every Monday before lunch time! Now, it's taking me all day, BUT it is getting done. I want to share with you guys a couple of products that I use that I love, and have no endorsements or anything like that with, I just really like them! AND then I want you to share with me products or cleaning items that you love and that make cleaning easier!

1. The Shark Euro Pro


I love this b/c I can use it on carpet, tile, and hardwood floors. It does a great job, instead of sweeping, I use this and it gets dust as well. One drawback is that the battery doesn't last very long. Mabe 30-45 minutes or so. But it is much easier than sweeping!

2. Swiffer Wet Jet

I love this too! It's much easier than a mop and mop water! It too can be used on tile and hardwood floors, just make sure you get the correct cleaner! It's easy to get out for spills and easy cleanups, or for major mopping like was done at my house today!

So tell me, what products do you clean with? Anything that works better than these two things?!

Happy Veterans Day

To the two "Army" Men in our lives! Who just happen to be best friends as well!

Ignorance was bliss....

You know how people can say too much information is a bad thing? Well I think that is so true. Especially in the adoption world. Too much medical information in a referral can make you decline a child who would eventually have no problems or issues. Too much information about quotas and cutoff dates, can also be a horrible thing. Our agency and other agencies around the US are getting hit by Eastern, the adoption agency in Korea, and their quotas. Last year apparently the same thing happened. Brent and I received our referral in October, so we really never planned to travel until January or Feburary. Not that we didn't want to travel earlier, BUT when they said a 3-6 month wait, we planned for the 6 months. We didn't want to get our hopes up that we could travel any sooner than that. Right now so many people in our agency that have had referrals since this summer have apparently been hit by the quota and won't be able to travel to pick up their kids until next year. Brent and I were completely obliviously to this quota. I had no idea that it even exsisted until this all started happening a couple of months ago through the Dillon forum. Our ignorance was blissful. We didn't have this extra worry. We didn't have to worry about it being spring before we travled, b/c that's what we had expected from the beginning. I hate that people from our agency and others are having to deal with this. I pray for you all each time I visit the forum or your websites. I know that I would have been right there along with you had this been us last year had we known about the quota. I'm so thankful that God provided in ways that we unimaginable for us to bring Paxton home so quickly. As I look at him watching Elmo in the living room, I know that I would have climbed through heaven and earth to have him home with me. Prayers for all of you still waiting for your babies to come home.

Pumpkins and the kids that "made" them!

Cute Pics of my Babies

There's just not a lot going on here! We've pretty much stayed home and done yard work during Brent's 12 days off. We made two new flower beds and cleaned out all the rest. We were both sore after weeding for two hours yesterday! I've started working out again. It's been great! I love going and just pretty much being in my own world for 30 minutes, listening to remakes of all kinds of music! Curves is a great work out for me. And after not working out for 10 months, it's again kicking my booty! So that's about it! Hope everyone is enjoying all the great weather we've been having! Even today with the rain, it was a perfect fall day!

U2 Concert

Monday night we got to see U2 in concert. Let me just say...AWESOME! I do wish that we had better seats, BUT seeing Bono live in person, was pretty cool. Here are some pictures of our night!

U2 & the Itsy Bitsy Spider

It's raining....

What a yucky day. It's rained most of the morning. Kind of glad I didn't have to leave the house, although the shopping distraction would have been fun! Paxton and I are just being pretty lazy this morning. I actually just remembered I should be working on laundry and although I've started it, probably won't finish it until late tonight....

One more night of nights. Well kind of two. Brent is going to see a Skillet concert Friday night and won't be home until late. That's okay though. I always have a snuggle buddy in bed with me!

Only four more days until we see U2 in concert! This is something on Brent's bucket list. We're going with some friends of ours and it should be a blast!

Paxton has really started and pretty much accomplished the art of dressing himself. He can put on his shoes, usually on the right feet, and he's learning right now how to put on a shirt! Too funny!

Paxtonio the Great

One year ago today we 'met' our precious baby boy! It's hard to believe that just one year later, he's here and our adoption is final!

Somethings that I want to remember about him right now:
He loves candy corn. We have a pumpkin jar in the kitchen and any time he hears the jar opening or what he thinks is the jar opening, he comes running in the kitchen to get one!

He loves to help out when we're picking up. Today he helped Brent and I unload and put up all the groceries.

He loves Ramen Noodles! He loves "bunny" yogurt, and dried blueberries. He does not like to eat beans! He likes the chili I make, but he sucks all the sauce off the beans and spits them out!

He's just starting to say Xavier. It's too cute! He's becoming quite the parrot!

When he wants something he starts yelling, MAMAMA....or DADADADA! Then tries to tell us what he wants!

365 Days Later

Oct.2nd 2008

Our first photo of JeongSol.

Oct.1st 2009



Picture made today at the courthouse!

Isn't our God amazing! What a year it has been. I'll post more tomorrow, but I wanted to get these up today! We obviously finalized the adoption today! We are almost completely through with the process!

This is the day.
This is the day.
This is the day that the Lord has made.
I will rejoice.
I will rejoice
and be glad in it and be glad in it.
This is the day that the Lord has made I will rejoice
and be glad in it. This is the day, this is the day,
that the Lord has made!

Psalm 118:24
This is the day which the LORD has made;
Let us rejoice and be glad in it.

Things About Adoption No One Told Me About Part 3

There are so many things that I wish I could have known about. But the three things I have written about were the main ones. After all the sleep deprivation, the grieving, the loss of self, etc. I can honestly say, it's been worth every single bit. I want you to know that before I go into my biggest issue was with our adoption.

As most of you know, Naia and Xavier are our bio kids. I had easy pregnancies, easy deliveries, easy babies. They both slept well, I had tons of help from family, friends, etc. I had that help this time as well, it just couldn't be in the same capacity as before. I tell people all the time, that yes adoption is a neat thing, but it's definitely different than birthing a child and having that child with you from conception. After all the hard things that we went through with Paxton, I thought things were going okay. I knew that I was feeling better, but I was also so overwhelmed. We were getting sleep, we were attached, but my mind and body just weren't in sync. I didn't even notice any early warning signs. Post Adoption Depression, just hit me like a brick wall. One day I realized that I had been weepy, irritable, and just not myself for quite some time. Apparently, people around me had noticed, but just didn't say anything. They just assumed that I was struggling caring for three kids, which wasn't it at all. My mind and heart had prepared for this baby. We HAD a baby, but my body didn't and my emotions and hormones didn't go through that process of birthing a baby and the bonding that you get with a newborn. We went through the bonding with a teething near toddler. I found myself, not wanting to get out, not wanting to leave Paxton, and having near panic attacks when I would have to leave him. I didn't want to leave the house, I cried at everything. I'm sure that on more than one occassion Brent thought that something was very seriously wrong. I really struggled finding myself again. Of seeing light at the end of the tunnel. I got mad at people that I cared about. At the time I was also having some medical issues that scared me to death. I talked to my doctor about it and couldn't even make it through the appointment without a complete meltdown. I had these meltdowns all the time for about 3 months. I literally couldn't have any kind of confrontation without a breakdown. My doctor immediately got me on a viatamin and made sure the change my birth control pills, b/c she knew from just the one conversation that things were not right. During those months, I was no myself and I knew that, I just couldn't change it. I couldn't change the fact that I didn't want anything to do with my friends or kids or husband. I just wanted to stay in bed forever.

I'm so thankful that the Lord brought me through this. It was something that I had never experienced before. I had two kids already, a third wouldnt' be that much different would it?! Three kids are definitely different, but it's also much easier this time around! My big kids are able to help entertain Paxton and they watch over him like a hawk! Talking about my problems with my closest friends helped and letting my family know that I needed help helped me as well. The books that we have to read and the classes we have to attend in order to adopt a child covered this topic. They covered, baby blues and Post Adoption Depression, but I don't think they let you know how real those things can be. That even if you've had kids before and not had any problems, that things will be different this time. Circumstances will be different. Adoption is so different than anything I've ever experienced. Loving a child from a photo, praying for a child and his first mother before you even know about the child or their situation. It's all so different.

I guess you could call this part 4! I want to end this on a positive note. I want to go into all the things that no one told me about that are the best things that God could have given us!

We started praying for Paxton's first mother and him from the beginning. In June of last year I could honestly say, I knew my child had been born. I could feel it in my bones. I just knew. From the second we got that phone call and said yes, we loved JeongSol from a photo! It's hard to believe that you can fall so hard in love with someone just from a picture. We knew immediately that he was our son! I'll never forget the way his foster mother put him into my arms the first time and I just started crying that my son was finally in my arms. I'll never forget the way that he smelled that day. Every once in a while, I'll smell that scent on him and I just remember loving him so completely before I even knew him. He's sitting here in front of me this morning playing on his riding toy eating goldfish crackers and my heart melts, b/c he is mine. He is my son.

Things About Adoption No One Told Me About Part 2

When you finally start some resemblance of real sleep, you think things are getting better. You're finally able to leave the house on time again. Things seem to be looking up! One thing I really wished I had known was how long exactly 6 weeks were then how long 6 months were.

When you first come home, 6 weeks doesn't seem like that long of a time! Heck, you've probably waiting 6 months trying to bring home your baby. During the firsrt 6weeks, agency, experts, etc. reccommend that only primary care givers, aka, mom and dad, are the ones that feed, bathe, hold, comfort, etc. SO for 6 long weeks we did this. It was really hard. Especially after not sleeping and being tired and just wanting a shower so bad! We made it through this though, pretty easily. During this time though, Paxton was mostly sick, so it was okay that only we could hold him! No one else wanted to come near us after he had RotaVirus!

After 6 weeks, others can start to hold your child, and another primary caregiver, aka a babysitter can step in, but it's highly recommended that you not leave him/her in church nurseries or short periods of time with random baby sitters. SO for 6 long months, one of us, mainly me, was with Paxton at all times. No church nursery, no date nights unless grandparents were available, no time really whatsoever with Paxton. Now at first I didn't mind this. I mean, come on, I was a new mom again! I loved showing off our new son. I don't even mind the questions that people ask that they probably have no business asking! I love telling our part of his story to others. It does start to wear on you though. About 4-5 months in, you start to test the waters of leaving them in the church nursery, only to know that they've screamed forever, so you don't do that again for awhile! Finally that 6month mark has hit, and you're the one not really ready to leave them for the entire church service, or with a sitter, even if they know that sitter!

We made it through those 6 months. Attatchment was great. People finally knew to page me in church if he cried more than 10 minutes! Those 6 months were hard. You don't realize until they're up what you've missed by being out of church so long. Or not being able to go out with friends at night or just spending time alone with your spouse. It was hard to finally leave Paxton and even now after being home 9 months, I still worry about leaving him with people he doesn't know. With the bigger kids, this was never an issue. They just got left! We had sitters and they were left at church from 2 weeks of age to never look back! It's just such a different experience in this situation. Not being able to leave him plus the exhaustion led me some other issues that I'll talk about next. It's something that I never thought I'd have to deal with. I already had two kids, wouldn't adding a third, be a piece of cake?

Things about adoption no one told me about

I think the first thing that comes to mind when I thought about this was exhaustion. The pure and total exhaustion of bringing home an infant or toddle from a time zone 15 hours different from yours.

In all of our books and classes they warn you that you will be tired. To rest when the baby rests, to stay home, etc. A. When you have other children in the house, you don't always get to sleep when the new baby sleeps! He may sleep the morning away, but your other children will want breakfast and snacks and want to spend time with you b/c they haven't seen you in a week and you're now devoting the majority of your time with the baby. I think this was a very hard thing for me to do during that first week or so home. Now I do think that it being Christmas week, things could have and probably would have been different if it weren't for celebrating Christmas. B. It's almost impossible if you have older kids that aren't homeschooled to stay home for more than a week! We did have the luxury of it being Christmas break when we came home, so we had two weeks of the big kids being home with us, but also being the holidays, we were so busy. On Christmas day, I was so tired, that when my mom had to leave to go back home, I was sobbing from exhaustion. I didn't want my mom to leave. I wanted her to stay even though there was nothing she could do for me. Technically, no one was supposed to hold Paxton or feed him or really care for him besides Brent and I and after being home for just 3 days, I was so exhausted. Jet lag, lack of sleep, lack of energy, etc. had finally taken a toll on me.

So, I think that the first thing that no one told me how things would "really" be about adoption is that I was beyond exhasted. I had no idea that it would be like that. I had no idea, that Paxton would only let Brent put him to sleep at first, and then only me! This led to other issues that I'll talk about later, but first of all was this.

Sorry for the lack of posting lately. We've been so busy here. Outage is almost over and hopefully things will return to normal around! I have been throwing around some thoughts on a post I saw somewhere else. Things About Adoption No One Told Me About. Theirs was a heartfelt post about their love for their children, but I really got to thinking that there are about 3 or 4 things that I wish I had been told to expect when I adopted a child. We love our son and would not change anything in the world, but things weren't near as peachy as we'd been led to believe. So in a few days hopefully I'll have something more concrete to write about. Have a great FALL day!

Follow up to Wordless Wednesday: Recipe Thursday

Oreo Truffles

1 package of oreo cookies (I use the off brand and they work great)
1 8 oz.package cream cheese
almond bark

Put the cookies in a food processor until they look like coffee grounds. In a microwaveable bowl, soften cream cheese. Add crushed cookies until well mixed. Roll into 1 in. balls. After this, I freeze them on wax paper to make them easier for dipping. Melt almond bark according to directions on package. Dip frozen oreo balls completely. Let cool on wax paper. Yummy!! I think this makes about 3 dozen balls.

I've seen different ways to make these. This is just how I do mine. I saw lots of pictures of balls dipped in dark chocolate which also look delicious! I saw in a magazine where they had rolled them in orange colored coconut after dipping them in the almond bark to make them look like little pumpkins and they even put little eyes on the white ones to make them look like ghosts! Too cute!

Watching Elmo

So not much is going on here! We've loved getting back into our routine of things the past week though! Ballet started and karate is still going strong. Brent's dad is home from the hospital so we've been to visit him. AND We've been watching lots of Sesame Street. Neither of the big kids ever liked it BUT Paxton loves it! So in honor of what we've watching here's clip for you!

Wordless Wednesday

Still Feels Like the First Time...

So we left Paxton over night for the first time this weekend.

Brent's step dad had a heart attack on Friday with triple bypass on Saturday. In order for us to be at the hospital at 6 a.m. an hour away from us, he had to stay with my mom. SO all the kids are at the lake with my parents and grandma! What a fun weekend. I can't wait to see him today and the other kids as well. Xavier has started calling to talk to us all on his own whenever he's away from us and it's too cute, b/c he never really has anything planned to talk to us about, so we have to think of things to say, ask, etc. He never wants to get off the phone, so we think of things to say for at least a few minutes before we tell him we have to go! I haven't talked to Naia or Paxton all weekend, but have heard stories that they are having a blast!

Good News

Lots of good news from our adoption agency this week. New referrals, travel calls, EP, so much going on. It's so exciting.

We go to court to finalize Paxton's adoption on Oct.1. 365 long days since we first saw his precious face. Isn't that cool? We got our referral Oct. 2nd last year. What a year it has been!

Just to put you in a good mood!

This song always makes me feel better! I thought about it today when I was get out of a cranky mood!

I can't even write what I want too...

I've had a really lousy couple of weeks concerning someone I thought was my friend. What I've learned though is that this person is not a friend, b/c friends don't treat each other like I've been treated. I'm so mad today at the end result. I'm hurt from someone that I really respected that fully "supported" me until it came down to making a decision. I feel that I've been railroaded by other staff members and I don't know what to do.

I want to be mad. I want to be upset. I want to say bad things about these people that have said horrible things about me lately. Yet, I can't bring myself to actually doing it. I want to get revenge. I want them to leave and go away and never come back. Again, I can't bring myself to say this to anyone. I honestly don't even really feel it. Yes, I'm mad at what's happened. Yes, I wish that our friendship didn't have to be over. Things will never be the same. I know I'm being vague, but names don't matter. Detailed circumstances don't matter. What matters is how I choose to handle myself. I refuse to stoop down to their level. I want to choose the higher road that everyone is telling me to choose. And I probably will...it's not in my nature to really be mean to someone. I'll kill them with my kindness. Even if they don't apologize I have to forgive. I love what I do and I'm not going to let them ruin it for me, but I also won't be railroaded again. I don't think that's the right thing to do either. So tonight this is my prayer:

In the same way the Spirit also helps our weakness; for we do not know how to pray as we should, but the Spirit Himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words; Romans 8:26

Survival

We survived the first week of school! Just barely though! Naia had a bit of a rough week adjusting to a new school, new teacher, etc. Hopefully this week will be much better as we get into the routine of car pool and going to school every day with no nap! Xavier is even excited about school right now too and that's definitely a bonus!

Brent starts outage this week. He'll be working 6 days a week for about 5 weeks. At least he'll have Saturdays off, but I will be on full time parent duty until he's done. Then he goes back on shift work, which is another post of it's own!

Doesn't it seem like it should be time for fall decorations now that school has started and it's been in the high 50's when you get up in the morning?! I can't wait to start putting out fall decorations, but I make myself wait until after labor day b/c then I get to wanting to put up Christmas decorations WAY too early!!!

I thought it would be quiet today....

But Paxton isn't allowing that to happen! He's chosen today to throw major fits! Well maybe for a moment he'll watch Sesame Street!

Today is the first day of school. How long have I been ready for this day? Weeks probably! But today dropping off Xavier at the back door and taking Naia in to her class was so hard! Dropping off Xavier wasn't too bad. Having to leave Naia was super hard. I didn't cry in front of her though. The little boy next to her was having a hard time and I knew that if I even got teary eyed, she'd be joining him! So we said a quick goodbye and left. My tears didn't start until we got back to the car. I cannot believe my little Naiabean is in Kindergarten. And I think it's just as hard to believe that Xavier is in 3rd grade! The time has flown by. Here are their first day of school pictures!