I've had a really lousy couple of weeks concerning someone I thought was my friend. What I've learned though is that this person is not a friend, b/c friends don't treat each other like I've been treated. I'm so mad today at the end result. I'm hurt from someone that I really respected that fully "supported" me until it came down to making a decision. I feel that I've been railroaded by other staff members and I don't know what to do.
I want to be mad. I want to be upset. I want to say bad things about these people that have said horrible things about me lately. Yet, I can't bring myself to actually doing it. I want to get revenge. I want them to leave and go away and never come back. Again, I can't bring myself to say this to anyone. I honestly don't even really feel it. Yes, I'm mad at what's happened. Yes, I wish that our friendship didn't have to be over. Things will never be the same. I know I'm being vague, but names don't matter. Detailed circumstances don't matter. What matters is how I choose to handle myself. I refuse to stoop down to their level. I want to choose the higher road that everyone is telling me to choose. And I probably will...it's not in my nature to really be mean to someone. I'll kill them with my kindness. Even if they don't apologize I have to forgive. I love what I do and I'm not going to let them ruin it for me, but I also won't be railroaded again. I don't think that's the right thing to do either. So tonight this is my prayer:
In the same way the Spirit also helps our weakness; for we do not know how to pray as we should, but the Spirit Himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words; Romans 8:26