Monday, August 18, 2008

Psalm 120:1

I love my brother. We haven't always had the best of relationships. When he was 12 his best friend committed suicide. That was 11 years ago. He's had problems with drugs and alcohol ever since. He went into rehab in the spring. I was the one to take him and sign him in. It was his decision to go. It was easily the hardest thing I've ever had to do in my life. After that day I didn't speak to him again until he was leaving rehab against our families wishes. And then after that once before he decided to join the Marines. I wrote him a letter in the Marines last week, not expecting to hear anything back. He never wrote back while he was in rehab. I was reading a book not long ago (a fictional book) about a brother and sister and pretty much their relationship. The sister would write letters to the brother not ever hearing a response in over 12 years. Her husband supported her writing him, but told her when she got discouraged, "You don't write him b/c you expect an answer. You write him to let him know that you still love him." Now I see my brother occassionally, so we've not been apart 12 years or anything like that, but I would love to have something from him that shows he at least acknowledges me as his sister. Honestly I would take the recognition of distant family member if that's all I could get.

I've prayed extensively for my brother. For his problems, for his health, for his soul, for our relationship, etc. I know that all things happen when God wants them to so I'm by no means questioning what He's done. I have friends that pray for him. A friend that is a prayer warrior tells me constantly that she is praying for him. I know that he is surrounded in prayer, and right now, that's the best and really only thing I can do for him. Last week when the kids and I wrote him, it was to tell him we loved him. That we were proud of him and that we were constantly praying for him. While I prayed for him, I also prayed for myself that I would love to get some kind of response. Anything. Today when I checked the mail I got not only one letter, but two! Imagine my sorrow when I read them that he is injured. He has a broken ankle and is having to go through physical therapy so he doesn't have to change platoons. I'm beyond grateful that he wrote. Now I know, that my parents are out of the country and that I'm the only person left for him to write to, BUT he did choose to write me! Like I said, I'll take what I can get!

At a time when I really needed, the Lord has heard my cries, and answered my prayers. For that, I'm humbled and feel loved that He would do something so small for me. I'm reminded of the verse that says exactly those things, Psalm 120:1 "In my trouble I cried to the Lord, and He answered me."

Thank you Lord for loving me. Thank you for my brother. Lord I lift him up to You. Heal him Lord. Bless him. Keep watch over him.

Lord I lift my friend to you. Ive done all that i know to do, I lift my friend to you. Complicated circumstances have clouded his view, And Lord I lift my friend up to you. I fear that I wont have the words, that he needs to hear, I pray for your wisdom oh God, and a heart that's sincere. And Lord I lift my friend up to you. Lord I lift my friend to you, my best friend in the world, I know he means much more to you, I want so much to help him, but this is something he has to do, And Lord I lift my friend up to you 'Cause there's a way that seems so right to him, But you know where that leads, He's becoming a puppet of the world, Too blind to see the strings, And Lord I lift my friend up to you. My friend up to you.
Lord I lift my friend to you. Ive done all that i know to do, I lift my friend to you


Jennifer said...

hi dania! i didn't know you had been blgging here. i would have started reading a long time ago. your mom told me last year that your family was pursing adoption. that is so great! i know it is a long process.

i'm sorry about your brother. i'm glad he wrote. i know what it is like to hurt for close family members...and to want so much more for them...that they would seek the Lord and live for Him.

lots of praying and loving and sowing good seeds on our part! :)

talk to you later! :)

Yvonne and Eric said...

How wonderful that your brother wrote you! I'm happy for you. Thank you for your support on our blog - it's so appreciated!


Micah and Sunny said...

Ps. 56:3 comes to mind for you and your precious family, Dania.

"When I am afraid, I put my trust in you. In God, whose word I praise, In God I trust and am not afraid."

Just said a prayer for your brother, I know how heartbreaking that can be. Amen and amen to your prayer.

Sunny K