Thursday, February 26, 2009

Question for All You Other Adoptive Parents

So things had been going really great with Paxton. Then he got sick. He was sick for two weeks. In those two weeks, I held him a lot, carried him a lot, etc. Now he's well. And he's still wanting me to carry him every where. He's been home about 9 weeks now. Every time I set him down, whether I stay right next to him or I leave the room, he has major meltdowns. Like the kind of meltdowns with hyperventilating type of screaming at the top of his lungs. There are very rarely tears, so I'm pretty sure, okay I'm really sure that he's just throwing a fit. What do I do??? I'm at my wits end. He won't sit and play any more. I can't even pee alone. Also, at bed time, it's taking us about 2-3 hours to get him settled for the night. Is it too soon for us to let him cry it out? As soon as we go in to check on him, we lay him back down and just pat his back and it takes awhile, but he does finally go to sleep. Most of the time to just wake up 30 minutes later starting the whole process over. What have some of you done in these situations??!

9 comments:

Laura said...

I wish I had a magic formula for you! I vaguely remember a short stage like that with Reagan (these are the kinds of things your mind mercifully lets you forget!), but not as intense as what you're describing. There were certainly some tiring and frustrating times. With the sleep we did just what you're describing, over and over again. I did finally convince Reagan to take a pacifier (latex, not silicon) and silky blanket which helped her learn to self-sooth. We didn't let her cry it out for many months. As far as the whining, this is something we're still dealing with. We decided to discipline her for it when it was clearly just a tantrum and not really anything wrong. If you sense he's old enough to know what he's doing, that might help. And prayer! I'll keep you in mine =).

Micah and Sunny said...

Oh Dania! I am so sorry, you must be exhausted. I don't have a whole lot of advice for you b/c I still feel like we are behind you in the process. I do have to say I wear Jude a LOT...meaning hours a day most of the time. Another thing he loves is playing outside on a blanket, so maybe that could give your back a break. I bet it is just a little transition again (feels like you are starting over again probably) but I bet it will go more quickly and smoothly this time. I would lend myself to say keep comforting and meet his needs. It'll be worth it in the end, friend. You can make it! Soon this will be a distant memory.

Micah and Sunny said...

Oh Dania! I am so sorry, you must be exhausted. I don't have a whole lot of advice for you b/c I still feel like we are behind you in the process. I do have to say I wear Jude a LOT...meaning hours a day most of the time. Another thing he loves is playing outside on a blanket, so maybe that could give your back a break. I bet it is just a little transition again (feels like you are starting over again probably) but I bet it will go more quickly and smoothly this time. I would lend myself to say keep comforting and meet his needs. It'll be worth it in the end, friend. You can make it! Soon this will be a distant memory.

Dennis and Becky said...

Hello Dania,
I am following your blog and read your last post. Our first son was very much like Paxton. He would fight sleep not unless he was with us in our bed or in the same room. He didn't want to be put down he would cry. What I can tell you is that it is a transition stage. You just need to be patient. We would allow him to sleep on the sofa with a bed railing and then we could put him down in his crib. We just would carry him and put him in the same room and try to comfort him with some toys. After he started to feel more comfortable he made it out of the transition on his own. I know that it can be frustrating. Just keep hanging in there. The sleeping was the hardest thing but after I stopped stressing my self out about it and allowed him to be more comfortable things got much better for all of us. I know that this advice may not work because of your other children. Zachary was the only child at that point. Take Care and good luck.

Heather said...

I have found that rocking Caleigh & singing to her before I lay her down to sleep really works for us. We give her a bath around 7:30, put her braces on, give her a sippy cup with warm milk, Then I give her her favorite blankets, we kiss everyone good night & I take her in her quiet room & we rock. Usually it's just 5 minutes or so, but some nights it is up to 15 minutes if she's wound up from nightly activities...depends on our schedule. The past two nights she slept soundly through the night for the first time (we've been home 7 months...up until then she woke at least once a night like clockwork at 3 am!) Hoping she's going to keep it up! I will be thinking of you; it's so hard when you are sleep deprived! I've also noticed a cool air humidifier in her room adds just enough noise to drown out any noise from the boys or other noise in the house while she's sleeping....I leave it on all the time in her room while she's sleeping....maybe it's too quiet for him??? Maybe he's waking to a noise??? Good luck internet friend!!!

Heather M.

Anonymous said...

Sorry he has been so sick!! It can happen that after 6-12 weeks home you can see some back tracking in their security. Often, they may then just realize then that they are not going back to their foster family. He has also been sick and there is some insecurity there as well. It can take a good 6 MONTHS for transition. I remember our daughter was home about 6 weeks and became very demanding. I think it was her time she really set in she was not going back to the life she had known. I held her and wore her more and her security did increase in time. KimberlyP

Donna said...

I can tell you Caroline likes to be held ALL THE TIME too. Right now, I am pretty sure she wants to be held because of her age. She is 11 months old and wants to SEE everything, so she wants to be up high. I remember Ryan wanting to do this at the same age. She will throw a huge fit if she wants to be held and I can't/won't and I just let her throw it. If she just wants to be held so she can be up high and see things, she'll give up on the fit and go find something to play with. If she needs comfort, she'll keep crying. So I can usually tell when I need to hold her.

Hopefully it's just a transition and he'll move out of it soon. I know how frustrating it can be. My shoulders were SO sore from wearing her so much, I had to take a break!

Good luck, I'll be praying for you!

Chad and Dana said...

Hey Dania!

You just described Drew to a T (minus the bedtime trauma...he will go right to sleep in his crib...for now!).

I am holding, wearing or sitting by him while he is awake. If I dare try to move away he totally has a melt down. Now, if he decided to walk away from where I'm sitting then, he's fine...but I can never get up or he will whine, complain until I fix the situation. Like Sunny, I wear Drew for hours at a time and this works for us. We've been through 2 other adoptions and we know this too shall pass...I am trying to soak up all the baby time I can because soon..he'll be TALKING BACK..and that is always a sad day ;-). Hugs to you as you help Paxton!

Anonymous said...

I agree Dana! It really does go by quickly! We held our kids for hours at a time too (thank goodness for baby carriers)-we missed those 9 months and then some so it was time to make up for that! KimberlyP